


O Tannenbaum

by MilesLibertatis



Category: No. 6 - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Christmas, M/M, Major Depression, just. lots of angst, post reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 14:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilesLibertatis/pseuds/MilesLibertatis
Summary: Karan paused her digging through the Christmas decorations and shot her son another look. The distant look in his eyes frightened her. She had decided on this plan in an attempt to cheer him up, but she was starting to doubt whether this was a good idea after all. Trying to bring a smile on his face again, she held up a box of lights. “Let’s start with the lights, shall we? It’d be harder to put them on if we saved them for later.”-Post reunion. Nezumi died and Shion is left all alone. His life has become an endless cycle of waking up alone, surviving another day and going to back to bed. Karan's heart aches and in an attempt to cheer him up, she decides to help him decorate his place for Christmas. Written for the No.6 Secret Santa 2018 on tumblr.





	O Tannenbaum

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun writing this!! The prompt was a sad mistletoe moment so I gave it my all to make it as sad and heart-wrenching as possible. With amazing art by Musiusi on tumblr!

It has been five months since Nezumi had died.

That’s what he was told. He had not even realised. Since his light had left his life every day had been the same. He woke up when morning had already turned to afternoon. His pillow would no longer be wet with tears, like it had been when he had first fallen to despair. He had already cried so much, his cheeks were dry and sensitive and his eyes were left red-rimmed and burning. There was nothing left but dull, aching nothingness. He would lie there in a bed that was too big for just one person; too cold, too foreign without Nezumi sleeping soundly next to him. The room was eerily quiet without his rhythmic breathing to soothe his weary heart, his arms itched to curl around the body missing next to him. If he managed to drag himself out of bed he would try to nibble on some of the fresh breads his mother had left in his living room, huddling under the blanket on the couch and staring into the distance. On days when the pain wasn’t as crippling, he would try to take a shower. It never really amounted to much. He usually ended up on the bathroom floor, the shampoo bottles knocked over and dry sobs wrecking his body. That was what had become of his life. Some days it was just nothingness, other days were a dull ache, but there was always the ever-present, suffocating loneliness.

-

It was rare but not uncommon to find his mother in the living room when he finally managed to get out of bed, so Shion wasn’t surprised to see her when he stumbled into the room. What _was_ uncommon, however, was the small potted pine next to her. She looked up from her book when she heard her son come in and smiled. “Good afternoon sweetheart,” she said softly, not commenting on his disheveled and greasy appearance.

Shion rubbed his eyes, looking from his mom to the tree. “Hey mom. Why do you have a tree?”

Karan closed her book. “Oh honey, I thought it would be nice to help you decorate your place. Christmas is coming up after all.”

Christmas… Was it that time of the year already? Shion stared at the tree. He’d have to go see if the lovely lady from the flower shop already sold poinsettias. He had forgotten to buy them last year and the disappointed look on Nezumi’s face when he had to break the news that they were all sold out hurt more than he had expected. He had forgotten to place his order again this year; he hoped she still had them in stock. He couldn’t bear to disappoint Nezumi again.

Realisation hit him like a punch to the gut. Disappointing Nezumi was impossible.

Nezumi was gone.

“Shion, are you all right?” His mother’s concerned voice sounded so far away. Shion blinked, trying to clear his vision. His eyes burned and his lungs felt like they were on fire. Nezumi was gone. Nezumi was gone. He swallowed painfully and he clutched his shirt, right over his aching heart. Slowly, the room came back into focus and he saw his mother watching him carefully, no longer in her chair but standing right in front of him. It was only then that he felt the light but supportive weight of her hand on his shoulder.

He took a long shuddering breath and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He wiped his eyes, gritting his teeth as it made his already aggravated skin sting, and looked up at her, giving her a watery smile. “I’m fine.”

 

Karan watched him for a few more seconds, not trusting his words. She knew him well enough to know when he was lying; he was her son after all. His eyes were filled with anguish; anguish she recognised only too well. She had seen those very same eyes whenever she had looked in the mirror after Shion was born and his father had left them.

“If you say so,” she said slowly. She pressed a loving kiss on his forehead. “I’ll go make us some tea. Would you get the decorations from the storage room?”

Shion sniffed and nodded. “Okay. Thanks mom.”

-

A quick shower, some rummaging in the storage room and a hot cup of tea later they found themselves in the living room again. The tree was propped up on a cloth-covered stand in the corner of the room and three boxes of christmas decorations stood next to the salon table. Karan knelt down in front of one and opened the lid. “Are there any specific pieces you want to hang?” She asked as she searched through the contents to see if there was anything she liked.

Shion slowly joined her on the floor and pulled another box close. “There are some ceramic mice that Nezumi liked,” he said tentatively as he opened his box. Every year they had stood proudly on the fireplace. He wasn’t sure if he should put them up again this time though. This entire apartment reminded him so much of Nezumi already, he wasn’t sure if he could take even more memories of him.

Karan paused her digging and shot her son another look. The distant look in his eyes frightened her. She had decided on this plan in an attempt to cheer him up, but she was starting to doubt whether this was a good idea after all. Trying to bring a smile on his face again, she held up a box of lights. “Let’s start with the lights, shall we? It’d be harder to put them on if we saved them for later.”

-

Stringing in the lights was considerately easier with his mother than it used to be with Nezumi, Shion found. Unlike Nezumi, she listened to his input and put the strings where Shion wanted them, even if he didn’t say much. He was trying though, for her sake more than his own. He was trying to stay in the present but his thoughts kept going back last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. How he and Nezumi would get in each other’s way and bicker about over what branches the strings should go.

A clap of Karan’s hands and her gleeful “There!” shook him from his thoughts. The tree beamed with light, the strings evenly divided over the branches. It was clear she had an eye for detail. Shion forced a smile. “It looks good, mom.”

She lovingly ruffled his hair and went back to her cardboard box to find decorations to put on the tree. After a moment Shion followed. Knelt in front of the box, he mindlessly rummaged through the contents. He found a case of fragile glass baubles; Nezumi had gone out to buy them after he had dropped and shattered the last baubles they had left from previous accidents in the years prior. He found a set of snowy ceramic houses. There were still some chocolates in one of them. Their neighbour, Ms. Fumiko, had gifted it to them three years ago. Nezumi thought they were hideous, but Shion had still put them under the tree to showcase them. After all, it would be disrespectful not to use a present someone had taken the time and money to gift them. There was a small plush snowman that Shion had found in a shop and gifted to Nezumi. Although he had pretended he didn’t like it, Shion had caught him petting it multiple times.

He numbly walked back and forth between the pile of decorations and the tree, carefully filling the branches. Baubles that used to break when Shion accidentally stepped on them during a spontaneous make out session, reindeer that Nezumi used to scoff at, plastic flowers that Nezumi liked, and red and silver tinsels that Nezumi used to sling around his shoulders as he pranced and danced like a diva, singing in his crystal clear voice.

Before long the tree was filled and stood proudly and colourfully, the branches hanging low, heavy with all the decorations. Shion stared at it until the lights became blurry. Last year he had stood at this very place. Nezumi had circled his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. They had stood there and admired their (admittedly messy) handiwork, simply enjoying the moment. Shion’s growling stomach had ruined the mood and with a laugh Nezumi had offered to order take-out.

Karan opened the third box and her face lit up. “Oh! Shion, there’s wreaths in here! We should hang some on the doors!”

Shion smiled tiredly. “Yeah, that sounds nice.” He could feel his energy draining. Reliving memories of better times was taking its toll. He watched as his mother excitedly picked a big wreath and went off to hang it on the front door. Now he was alone and he no longer had to uphold his façade of seeming okay, he let himself drop on the couch, limbs heavy and heart weary. He closed his eyes and let out a long and shuddering breath. _Keep it together,_ he told himself. _It’s only for a little longer._

Still, he was unable to deny he was a little curious about what was in the box that had made his mother so enthusiastic. Hesitantly he got off the couch and peered inside.

-

“Shion?! Shion, what’s wrong?!”

Karan had rushed back into the room when she heard an agonising scream come from inside. She found her son on the floor, hunched over and crying like a wounded animal. He tried to answer but no words came out. Only loud wails, sobs that tore through his entire body. He clutched the mistletoe to his chest like it was his very life source.

_Nezumi. Nezumi, Nezumi, Nezumi._

_Nezumi walking into the room with two plates of dinner._

_Nezumi lying on the couch and reading Dickens’ Christmas Carols._

_Nezumi tracing his scar and kissing him all over._

_Nezumi waiting in the door post to kiss him under the mistletoe._

Another scream ripped from his throat. He was alone. So alone. Of all the times Nezumi could have died when he saved Shion from No.6, when they lived in the West Block, when they got caught in the Manhunt, when they infiltrated the Correctional Facility, when he had gone to travel and come back, he hadn’t been killed a single time. He had survived and come out stronger and more beautiful than he was before. Shion had thought he had lost him when he had left him to go on his travels. The relief he felt when he found Nezumi in his room again four years ago had been a euphoria he had never felt before. They both had had so many chances to die, but they had made it through everything life had thrown at them. He had always known Death would eventually come to claim Nezumi’s life, but after being spared so many times he had not expected to happen for a long time.

The years they had spent together were too short, interrupted as a stupid inattentive driver hit Nezumi with his car as he was crossing the street. He could still see the blood on the asphalt when he closed his eyes.

Suddenly all the memories, the pain and the rage had come to a tipping point and he was spilling over. He vaguely felt warm arms circling around him— _the wrong arms_ _,_ his body screamed—and he buried his face in his mother’s chest. “Nezumi!” He cried, his grip on Karan’s sweater almost strong enough to tear it. “Nezumi, Nezumi...”

_Why did you leave me again?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to hit me up on tumblr @hi-im-secretly-satan to yell about these two disaster gays! <3


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